I realize that as we grow older, we become easily agitated and stressed. Our bodies are also telling us that the parts are getting worn out and aches seem to take longer to recover. I see myself get perturbed over little things and observed that friends are also like me, some exhibiting strange behaviours or retreating into their own world. Mostly happening in guys though. I guess women are made of tougher stuff or is it the male testosterone’s downside?. The likelihood of frequent bouts of depression is very real for my age group.
2 events this week triggered my need to verbalize this in my blog today.
We found out last Saturday afternoon that an ex-colleague had killed himself on 15 Feb. He apparently jumped off a building. I have last met him almost a year ago. He has been in the same bank for almost 27 years, right after graduation. He was also one of the last few persons from our group that was still there. During the chance meeting a year ago, he was telling me about how tough it was to remain in the bank, that there was pressure everywhere and competition from younger peers. I do know him as quite a pessimistic guy over the years, always looking at the negative side of things. He was finally retrenched late last year and had joined a fintech company. Another friend had met him a week before and did not see any signs of depression. What made him do it? He had 2 young kids and wife. Could friends have prevented it?
5 years ago, another close friend passed away in similar circumstances. I later learned that he was bi-polar and had stopped taking his meds. He had started acting very hyper and I had last seen him 3 months before the fateful day during a year-end get together and he was acting weird. Could we have done something then?
Then on Tues early morning, I got an unusual Whatsapp message from another close friend. I immediately tried to call him back but after 3 tries and no answer, I decided to call his wife and another friend. I was concerned because we were talking about the recent suicide of our ex-colleague and he mentioned that he was having his “Departure Day” in that message… I guess I panicked and jump the gun a bit. He was actually referring to the fact that he had just been served notice of retrenchment, after 18 years in that bank. He was also in the toilet and hence did not pick up my 3 frantic calls. We agreed to meet up that night and a group of us had drinks and a good conversation thereafter. I will continue to reach out to him frequently to check on him.
I have been down that retrenchment road before and knows what it feels like, to have the rug pulled out from under your feet suddenly after 19 years in the bank. I felt lost for a long time as I struggled to find another job after having more than 60+ interviews. I do not wish that upon anyone, but the reality of life now means that my age group is the most vulnerable, as we hit our halftime buttons. The body is also not handling stress as well like a 20-year-old anymore and it reminds you periodically of your mortality.
My motto nowadays is to stay healthy and happy. I try to set new goals in front of me, to work towards and to exercise frequently. New challenges like skillsfuture courses and e-learning projects keep me on my toes. They help me to focus on concrete objectives I want to overcome. I am also trying to move away from the banking sector and use my previous banking experience plus the new skills learned to pivot into new jobs and adventures, like my latest Myanmar consultancy role.
I also believe that regular exercises will provide one with a healthy lifestyle. The periodic adrenaline rush which will support the well being of a person naturally. My quarterly half marathons signups provide me with a pipeline of goals.
Many small happiness experiences are better than one big, infrequent happiness. So reconnecting with old friends and meet up sessions with close ones are very important to me now. These are my small happiness moments. As always, the family must come first and my kids’ future is our number one priority.
All the above will keep my head firmly planted on my body and help me withstand any wayward thoughts that I may come across. Depression comes easily but we must build defenses to overcome them.
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